Dear toughtalker,
I have been single for quite some time, I would like to meet someone, but it just hasn’t happened.  For some reason most of the men I have been meeting have been married or somehow involved and just looking for someone on the side.  The strange thing is, I’ve been attracted to a female friend of mine lately.  She is an open lesbian, but I’ve only experimented here and there.  She has always flirted with me, but until now I ignored it because I have been interested in men.  I know my attraction may be a result of me not being interested in a man right now, but is that really a problem?  When I date a guy, you never know where it’s going to go and it’s the same thing here.  I don’t expect to be in some long term relationship with her, but you never know what happens.  Am I wrong for wanting to explore?
Good Morning Anonymous…I would like to first thank you for submitting your letter.  Now allow me to answer your last question first.  You’re not wrong for wanting to explore and go where your feelings are taking you.  Being an adult entitles you to explore certain feelings that you may have.  But in your case I believe you’re doing it for all the wrong reasons.  It sounds like the decisions you’re making in regards to relationships are  ALL WRONG.  You state in your letter that “you have been single for quite some time and the men that you have been meeting are either married or involved with someone and want something on the side”.  And I believe you’re at a point in your life now that no matter the sex of the person (male or female), or the status of the individual (involved or married), you’re just looking for someone to fill a void.  You need to ask yourself…why is that?  Why am I the person who doesn’t feel complete unless I’m with someone?  You have to realize that having a companion won’t complete you…especially the ones that you’re choosing.  You’re just applying a temporary fix to a permanent problem…and that problem is YOU!  You have attached being with someone as your self worth…if you don’t have anyone, then you have failed or you’re not worthy….and that’s the furthest thing from the truth!  How are you really going to find a true soulmate when all you’re hiring are substitute teachers?  Allow yourself some ME time and realize that being by yourself temporarily, and having that spot vacant for a change, may just allow you to see clearly and find that one for you…instead of that one for right now!!!  HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND!!!