Friday’s Forum: The Lady Pond

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Dear toughtalker,
I have been single for quite some time, I would like to meet someone, but it just hasn’t happened.  For some reason most of the men I have been meeting have been married or somehow involved and just looking for someone on the side.  The strange thing is, I’ve been attracted to a female friend of mine lately.  She is an open lesbian, but I’ve only experimented here and there.  She has always flirted with me, but until now I ignored it because I have been interested in men.  I know my attraction may be a result of me not being interested in a man right now, but is that really a problem?  When I date a guy, you never know where it’s going to go and it’s the same thing here.  I don’t expect to be in some long term relationship with her, but you never know what happens.  Am I wrong for wanting to explore?
 
Anonymous
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Good Morning Anonymous…I would like to first thank you for submitting your letter.  Now allow me to answer your last question first.  You’re not wrong for wanting to explore and go where your feelings are taking you.  Being an adult entitles you to explore certain feelings that you may have.  But in your case I believe you’re doing it for all the wrong reasons.  It sounds like the decisions you’re making in regards to relationships are  ALL WRONG.  You state in your letter that “you have been single for quite some time and the men that you have been meeting are either married or involved with someone and want something on the side”.  And I believe you’re at a point in your life now that no matter the sex of the person (male or female), or the status of the individual (involved or married), you’re just looking for someone to fill a void.  You need to ask yourself…why is that?  Why am I the person who doesn’t feel complete unless I’m with someone?  You have to realize that having a companion won’t complete you…especially the ones that you’re choosing.  You’re just applying a temporary fix to a permanent problem…and that problem is YOU!  You have attached being with someone as your self worth…if you don’t have anyone, then you have failed or you’re not worthy….and that’s the furthest thing from the truth!  How are you really going to find a true soulmate when all you’re hiring are substitute teachers?  Allow yourself some ME time and realize that being by yourself temporarily, and having that spot vacant for a change, may just allow you to see clearly and find that one for you…instead of that one for right now!!!  HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND!!!     

Thoughts on Thursdays: Maternal Murderers

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Good Morning Toughtalkerz…I have a question…what do you think is a suitable punishment for a child who goes against their parents’ wishes and eats candy bars and lies about it?  No candy or sweets for a week?  Not allowed to go outside for a few days?  Given extra household duties? (take out trash, wash dishes, etc).  Well a stepmother and grandmother from Attalla, Alabama must have thought those punishments weren’t enough, so they ordered 9 year old Savannah Hardin to run outside around their house until she was instructed to stop.  And after 3 hours she did…and now she is dead!  Jessica Mae Hardin, 27 (stepmother) and Joyce Hardin Garrard, 46 (grandmother) are now facing murder charges in the death of Savannah…who authorities say suffered a seizure from severe dehydration and died a few days later.  An autopsy later revealed that Savannah had a very low sodium count and the state pathologist ruled it a homicide.  So now we’re left asking the question why?  Aren’t these the things that normal 9 year old precocious children do?  And who in their right mind would ever think a punishment so cruel could be inflicted upon a child?  Savannah, a third-grader at Carlisle Elementary School, was adored by classmates so much so that they have turned her desk into a makeshift memorial for her where they can write letters, leave mementos, and express their love and affection.  Mrs. Hardin and Mrs. Garrard are being held at the Etowah County Detention Center on a $500,000 cash bond..meaning neither of them will be released anytime soon.  And whatever sentence (if convicted) they receive isn’t enough in my opinion.  Parents and Grandparents are given the most cherished job on this planet, and that’s the protection of their kids.  And with all of the things that are happening in society today, if a child isn’t safe and protected by the very ones they expect to do so, then what chance do our kids really have??  JUST MY THOUGHTS PEOPLE!!!!! 

What Were They Thinking Wednesdays: Brady Quinn

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Good Morning Toughtalkerz…The Denver Broncos Football team had what some would call a really productive year (the team advanced to the Divisional round of the American Football Conference playoffs this season).  But we now know that not all of the players on the team took their accomplishments as a positive.  Brady Quinn…WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??  Mr. Quinn was recently interviewed by Mike Silver for Gentlemen’s Quarterly (GQ) magazine and was quoted saying the Broncos were “lucky” this season and he also calls out starting Quarterback (QB) Tim Tebow…disputing people’s perception of him to possess a huge amount of humility.  Mr. Quinn also goes on to state that the reason for a lot of the team’s success this year was because of poor coverage and overall terrible defense by their opponents and not really anything to do with their offense.  Mr. Quinn was listed on the depth charts at the start of the football season as second string QB and that usually means that if, for any reason, the starting QB (Kyle Orton) could not finish a game or was not performing at a level the coaching staff approved of…then the second string QB would be thrust into the starting position.  But to Mr. Quinn’s dismay it didn’t happen.  Mr. Tebow was given that opportunity and was extremely successful when given the chance.  Now Mr. Quinn feels slighted.  Mr. Quinn didn’t just stop at Mr. Tebow’s performance, he also attacked his religious beliefs stating…”If you look at it as a whole, there’s a lot of things that just don’t seem very humble to me,” he said “When I get that opportunity, I’ll continue to lead not necessarily by trying to get in front of the camera and praying, but by praying with my teammates, you know?”.  Now Mr. Quinn, I could understand you being a competitor and wanting your chance…that’s the way you should feel…but the personal attacks directed toward Mr. Tebow and his faith were…allow me to borrow a phrase from football…”out of bounds”.  And I think that’s EXACTLY where you will remain…while Mr. Tebow continues to start, perform, win…and oh yeah……..Pray!  Brady Quinn…WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!!!      

Tuesday’s Topic: Turn Up the Music & Birthday Cake

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Good Morning Toughtalkerz…Usually new music is released for public consumption on Tuesdays and I would like to comment on two songs (well their technically remixes but I digress).  The two songs are..Turn Up the Music and Birthday Cake.  Both songs I happened to enjoy…both different but catchy in their own right.  But that isn’t what makes these two songs unique…the artists who are appear on these two songs do.  Turn Up the Music is a Chris Brown song off of his Grammy award winning album F.A.M.E…and the remix features Rihanna.  So with that being said, the song Birthday Cake is a Rihanna song from her latest album Talk that Talk…featuring who else, but Chris Brown.  This collaboration has made quite the stir on social media sites, blogs, morning drive radio, and water cooler talk.  The reason the songs have caused such fervor is this is the first time the two talented artists have appeared together on a song since Mr. Brown was arrested for assaulting Rihanna after a Grammy Awards party in 2009.  He eventually plead guilty and was sentenced to 5 years probation and had to undergo anger management classes.  The couple reconciled briefly after the incident but then called an end to their relationship shortly after wards.  I believe the banter that is going on now is what i call …”We always know what’s best for everyone else but ourselves syndrome” (it’s long, i know).  We’re always so quick as a society to comment on what someone else should or shouldn’t be doing with their lives…but if you would ever check out your own then there would absolutely be no room for you to advise anyone!  If after three years of soul searching and reaching a point in her life that Rihanna has forgiven Mr. Brown for assaulting her then why are YOU still holding a grudge?  She was the assault victim…NOT YOU!!  I know this incident may have you reliving something that happened to you.  Maybe you were a victim of domestic assault and you took your assailant back…only to realize your mistake because their behavior continued…or as a child you witnessed abuse in your household and you wished your mother had left your dad.  I’m not sure which one or if any suits you, but all of those incidents are separate…and if these two have found a way to live with it and move on…then people you should do the same!!!

Friday’s Forum: Compliments

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Dear Toughtalker
I am a female and have been with my mate for just over three years.  I love him dearly and I feel in my heart that he loves me.  BUT I’m trying to figure out how to communicate a small issue with him.  He NEVER compliments me.  I hear him say other women are beautiful, pretty, or even unattractive.  He never says ANYTHING about me!  I never hear, “you look nice today” or “dang, babe you’re hot!”.  Now let me be clear, I’m not superficial and needy.  I don’t need those affimations to feel comfortable in the relationship.  And I’m not on the verge of a breakdown or leaving him because of this.  Like I said, I love him.  But he has opinions on women, because I hear him talk about them.  What about me?  I just wish I could get a compliment here and there.  I mean, I’m a female and we ALL like compliments (whether we admit it or not).  I just want to be able to communicate it in a way that he understands so he doesn’t think I’m just being emotional or insecure.  From a male perspective, how can I get my point across?
Anonymous
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Good Morning Anonymous…Thank You for submitting your letter.  I really can’t answer your letter from a “male perspective” but I can give you my opinion on what’s taking place.  I believe in relationships we all don’t do the things we once did in the beginning.  We get somewhat comfortable and forget that the same things you did in the genesis of the relationship have to be continued throughout.  I believe your comment about he “never compliments” me is a bit of an embellishment.  I say that because I believe your boyfriend showered you with compliments in the beginning (that’s how he won your heart).  There was something that made you melt and fall in love with him.  Your letter is filled with inconsistencies…but that’s OK.  We all are inconsistent at times.  You not needing those affirmations you speak of isn’t 100% truthful as well…because if you really didn’t need or want them…would you really have penned an entire letter speaking about how you don’t want or need them?  Let’s be honest here…you stated everything else in your relationship was good…but this.  So the affirmations and the comments are what you want…and there’s nothing wrong with that!!  You needing and wanting compliments doesn’t make you superficial or needy…it makes you human!!  So how do you go about getting them?  Well try this, the next time he comments on another woman…ask him…what about me?  Ask him how he would you critique you?  Ask him if he was with his friends what would he say about you?  He might be vague because you just entered his friends into the scenario and some guys don’t like that.  So if that doesn’t work, ask him…what if you saw me in a grocery store?  What would be your thoughts?  Then let the dialog begin.  Express to him the way that you’re feeling.  Tell him how him complimenting other women and never his own woman makes you feel.  He probably never thought about it in that manner…because men usually don’t see the extras.  His actions towards you in his mind show you how attractive you are to him.  So I’m sure if you inform him of your feelings…things will change!  Just know that sometimes guys need a blueprint of what they should be doing.  They lose their way…so it’s your job to get him back on course!!  HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND!!

Thoughts On Thursdays: Forfeiting the Game

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Good Morning Toughtalkerz…a Superintendent in Warren County Georgia has made a decision to force a school in her district (Warren County High) to forfeit a regional tournament basketball game bringing an end to their season.  Superintendent Carole Jean Carey arrived at this decision because of a incident that occurred during football season.  Warren County and rival school Hancock Central High faced each other and after the game was over, a huge brawl broke out between the two.  This melee gained national media attention (seen here) and was covered by nightly news broadcasts as well as sports talk shows.  The fight left the schools and their districts with shame and ridicule.  But my question to the school, the district and you Superintendent Carey is WHAT ABOUT THE BOYS?  The young men who had absolutely nothing to do with the altercation that occurred (in a entirely different sport by the way).  These young men who worked hard and sacrificed themselves…gave a 100% effort on and off the court…maintained a grade point average to play extra-curricular activities…and were good enough to reach the playoffs…what about them??  The Warren County Boys basketball team assembled outside their school the other day with arms locked in a show of solidarity in protest of the decision that was made.  These boys were just asking someone to give them a voice…to hear their side…well young men I have heard you!!  The decision that was made on your season ending was wrong!!  Their could have and should have been other alternatives to ensure safety…not just forfeiting the game.  If you’re unsure about the crowd that might attend…close the game to the public.  If you don’t want to do that then appeal to the local police station for police officers to provide security… or ask off duty police and fire fighters to volunteer their time to aid with crowd control.  Something could have been done!!  What are we teaching these young men?  Are we showing them that the only solution to an issue is just not deal with it??  We always teach kids that with hard work anything is possible in America…and the only way to win is to participate…and that is true…anywhere else except for Warren County Georgia!!  JUST MY THOUGHTS PEOPLE!!

Tuesday’s Topic: The Valentine’s Day Club

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Good Morning Toughtalkerz…What is Valentine’s Day?…and why do we celebrate it??  I know I can’t be the only person who has ever asked this question.  Well Saint Valentine’s Day or simply known as Valentine’s Day is a holiday we observe on the 14th day of the month of February.  This day is associated with romantic love and has been celebrated since the 15th century…and with the evolution of Valentine’s Day there has been the commercialization and utter ruining of the day (in my opinion).  First off I’m sure when the holiday was first celebrated there wasn’t a dang flower commercial every 4 minutes on the radio (I know radios weren’t invented then…just follow me for a minute).  Or there wasn’t computer pop-ups about chocolate covered strawberries…or if you don’t purchase someone you care about a diamond you’re a loser!!!  The holiday was founded out of love…and that love should be celebrated…not with things or gifts… but with love!!!  This holiday has also changed to make people who aren’t in a “relationship” or “in love”  feel less than adequate about who they are as a person.  You mean if I’m not tied to the hip with someone I can’t be admitted to the exclusive “Valentine’s Day Club?”  To me Love is Love…no matter if I have a handle attached to it or not.  So as you go on your journey today just know if you’re married, involved in a relationship, or just have friends who you truly love and care about…Valentine’s Day is for us all.  And with that I would like to say…HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!!!!

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