Friday’s Forum: Am I The Best You’ve Ever Had?

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Dear toughtalkdc,
Do you recommend divulging your past in relationships? Im no saint, but far from the worst. However I wonder sometimes if men really want to hear the truth! I have had men ask me if they were the best…the ones who ask arent. I have had men ask if they are the biggest…same thing…the person asking never is. I used to be honest, and I got a lot of angry men and hurt feelings. But when I lie…im annoyed with myself!!! How should a person answer questions about previous relationships and risque encounters?

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Good Morning Toughtalker,

Thank You for submitting your letter.  I believe sharing past relationships is a very taboo topic.  The men that you’re encountering really don’t want to hear the truth.  They want to hear they’re the best (even if they’re far from it).  They want to hear they’re the biggest (even if they’re not too well endowed). You stated in your letter some of your past encounters inquired about certain aspects of your sexual history and didn’t like the response, at all…so those men didn’t want the truth!!  Some men have real esteem issues and I’m guessing these men did…because no self-assured guy would even ask those questions.  A man who is confident about himself doesn’t need verbal validation from his partner, he will receive that without even asking (from her response during and after sex).  So there would be no need for the “Am I the best or biggest?” question.  Just knowing she enjoyed the act is rewarding enough for him.  I believe the guys you’re dating have issues that’s far beyond anything that a .. yes you are the best or a OMG your the biggest ever answer could ever fix, so why even try?  The next time you are confronted with these types of questions I would state…let’s leave the past where it is..in the past…and try and move on.  If he insists on digging deeper for the validation he is seeking, then tell him the truth.  If he is that ego driven then maybe he will try and become the best…and that could be fun!!!  Or maybe he will react in a negative way.  And if he does…you didn’t need a man (boy) like that anyway!!  But if you can go without answering the questions then do so, because the truth really isn’t what these guys are seeking anyway!!  HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND!!!!

Thoughts on Thursdays: Porn?

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Why is porn still considered taboo?  There are many of you that won’t even admit to some of your best friends that you even watch porn, let alone enjoy it.  My question to you is…WHY?  The adult film industry is a billion dollar business that produces hundreds, if not thousands, of films yearly in accordance with the rules of supply and demand so…if there wasn’t a demand, there wouldn’t be someone there to supply it.  That means that there is a market for such material and there is someone that is consuming it.  So why is it still labeled as “wrong”?  Why is such shame attached to it?  Why don’t we apply those same feelings to things that are actually bad for your body, such as alcohol.  You will go and meet a friend at a bar and stumble out and get behind the wheel of a car.  In doing so, putting  not only yourself, but other innocent lives at risk, without shame.  But let those same friends come and visit your home and there is an adult dvd case lying…you would discard that case…FAST!  Why?  Is it better to be drunk than to be an adult that watches movies that are made for adults?  I’m just saying…whatever you decide to do with your life and whatever you want to enjoy…then do just that ENJOY!!  JUST MY THOUGHTS PEOPLE!!!