Dear Toughtalker,
 
I had been in love with my best friend for years.  I finally decided to tell him my feelings, and he rejected me.  He said he thought we were better off friends and that we could see what happened in the future.  Well, about six months later I met someone that I really like.  Now that he and I have been dating for about six months, my best friend is telling me he can’t believe that I’m getting serious with this new guy.  He said he always saw us eventually getting together, getting married and having children.  WHY WOULD HE TELL ME THIS NOW?  I’m so confused.  I like the new guy I’m seeing, and it’s hard for me to imagine leaving him for my best friend who has never expressed a romantic interest.  And at the same time, I do still have feelings…but I have been getting over them.  My friend is someone that I already know and am comfortable with, but I’m not sure that he can be trusted since he is JUST NOW expressing any feelings.  And my new guy has expressed his interest since day one, but he IS new.  What should I do?
 
Anonymous
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Good Morning Anonymous, thank you for submitting your letter.  The question of what you should do (to me) has a very obvious answer.  But before I give you my opinion, I’m going to try and dissect your letter.  By doing so it may enlighten you and answer some of the questions you are currently struggling with.  You start your letter with “I had been in Love with my best friend for years.  I finally decided to tell him my feelings, and he rejected me”.  The key phrase in that sentence is…rejected me.  See, I don’t believe he did reject you…I believe he saved you.  And what do I mean by that you ask?  Well it seems to me that this man valued your friendship so much that he wasn’t willing to take the risk and ruin something that he treasures over something that he wasn’t ready for…and that’s a real man!  Sometimes when you care so much about a person you’re willing to sacrifice your own selfish motives for them.  And it sounds like that’s what he was doing at the time.  But your conversation may have sparked a thought in his mind… well maybe when I stop playing around and am ready for that one person that I can share everything with…..why not my best friend?  So that’s the thought that he had stored in his back of his mind.  But here’s when things changed.  You met a guy…and you start dating.  He is cool with it in the beginning, but he starts to realize that this relationship you’re in is starting to become serious and it’s now affecting your friendship.  For example, the time you used to share with him hanging out…is now being spent with the new guy.  The times you used to call him and share what happened at work…those phone calls are now being made to the new boyfriend.  So now your best friend feels like you’re slipping away.  So what does he do?  He does the total opposite of what he did earlier…he becomes…selfish.  He reveals his feelings and thoughts to you.  Not because he had an epiphany and he wants to run away with you to elope.  No, he does it because he doesn’t want to lose his friend.  So he tells you what his thoughts were, hoping that your feelings for your boyfriend aren’t as strong as the friendship that the two of you share.  So you chose your friendship over your relationship…and if you make that decision…it will be a mistake!  And that’s because the comments he made aren’t based upon wanting you…they’re based on him not wanting to lose his friend.  So what to do now?  I would continue with my relationship.  But you and your best friend should and need to have a conversation.  Express to him how much your friendship means to you…and no matter your relationship status…you will always be his friend.  He may be upset now, but if he is the friend that you describe him as being…then your being happiness will be what matters most to him!!  HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND!!
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