Okay, so here’s the deal: Every Friday we’ll respond to an email received at toughtalkdc@gmail.com.  Don’t worry, we won’t disclose your personal info, only what you put in the email.  Remember to check to see if your email gets answered on Fridays!

Dear toughtalker,
 
Why does it seem as if men like b*tches??? I am normally nice to the men that I like, and a little “meaner” to the ones I don’t.  When you’re mean to a guy, he likes it!  He keeps coming back for more!  When I’m nice to a guy, does he figure that he has me, so there’s no need to treat me special?  I don’t get it.  My last boyfriend didn’t even take me seriously until I got sick of his bull and told him to kick rocks!  After I did that, he came running!  We were in a relationship for two years after that.  I don’t get it…why are men chasing after b*tches all the time???
 
Anonymous
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Good morning Anonymous! 
 
Your question is one that I have heard numerous times from friends, and let me start off by saying all guys aren’t chasing B’s!   But there is a key word in your letter that might describe a portion of the male species and that is “CHASE“.  Some dudes just love the chase.  It’s the conqueror in them.  They saw something they were attracted to and they wanted it.  They went after it and they may have even failed a few times in trying to acquire it, but they continued to pursue it until they eventually captured it.  And for some men the chase is what they want, it takes precedent over anything else.  For some men after they capture what they were chasing the thrill is gone, it leaves them (you even state that in your letter).  “He acts this way when I’m nice but when I’m mean he starts to act nice”, because to him he has to pursue again and now the chase is back on and the excitement has begun!  For some males they just like the Chase!  But the aftermath of that chase is too real of a situation for them…and there you have the distinct difference between Males and Men.  Males like the chase and they’re going to continue chasing forever.  MEN may like the chase, but when they capture what they want they know how to proceed into the next step, which is a place the male may never go.  So ask yourself …WHO AM I DATING?  And for most women it’s extremely difficult to know which is which, but that comes with time which alot of women don’t give themselves.  I always ask myself why don’t women just relax and allow the situation to play itself out?  And I have come to a conclusion….YOU’RE CHASERS TOO!!  But more like the MEN..than the males.  And you have a different element attached to you..you’re “Displayers”.  You see what you want and you go after it…maybe in a different way, but you’re still chasing.  You may capture your prey and have no problem going into the next phase but instead of just moving into the next phase you like to show off your capture.  You display it for everyone to know you have captured one and you’re an able hunter.  But with your eagerness to display, you haven’t even given yourself enough time to know exactly what you have captured!  You don’t know what you have: a MALE or a MAN or NEITHER!  You just have something…and something isn’t good to display.  Most of you continue over and over displaying “somethings”, and you really need to slow down!  You’re not winning any hunting awards showing up with what you thought was a Man (and  it turns out to be a Male, or even worse, a “neither”)!  With that MALE he may just wake up after a few months and return back to the chasing game and you’re left answering all the questions of “What happened girl?  I thought he was the one!”  And in all actuality, BOTH of you may wake up next to something that you thought was different and you realize it was something way too familiar to what you’ve always had.  So ladies ask yourself  a question, am I contributing to this behavior?  Am I doing enough evaluations of these guys before I start a relationship to really see if they have that “chaser” in them?  Do I enjoy being chased?  AND FOR THE RECORD, there are men out here who are secure in what they want without all of the back and forth that the chase game brings.  But you have to take your time to see exactly what type of guy it is, and only time will reveal that. 
 
Enjoy your weekend.
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